it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
