hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
