Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
