It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
