First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize