I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
