How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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