Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
