my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
