dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
