I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
