Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
