Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
