I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
