I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm just crazy horny about you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
