I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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