The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
