omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
