One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
