True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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