the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
