PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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