Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
