he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
