If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
