Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
