I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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