nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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