You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
