Dual....:-)
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
