There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
