I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
