john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
