you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
