Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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