She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
