yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
