I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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