4 words: hood of his car
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
