The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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