We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
