Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
