dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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