I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize