Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
