i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
