And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
