Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
