The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
