I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
