Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
