what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
