when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
