His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
