How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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