I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The power of my boobs compel you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
