Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
