i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
