last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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