I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
