Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
