I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
