Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
