you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
