His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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