last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
