I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
